Coming out of the dark
When Sarah came for a Somatic Experiencing and Somatic Touch session, she said she didn’t have anything particular in mind to work on this day. But as usual, she was curious what her body’s wisdom would reveal. Sarah has ME/chronic fatigue syndrome and has learned to attend carefully to her body’s needs.
Somatic Touch is an extension of Somatic Experiencing. By placing my hands on different areas of the body, the client and I find what creates a greater sense of support and ease.
We explore dimensions of the contact: where the hands are placed, whether I use light or firm touch; whether the body seems to want attention at the skin, muscle, fascia, bone or organ levels.
Sometimes supporting a section of the body such as the shoulder girdle or the hips allows the body to fall into a deeper state of relaxation.
That day Sarah was interested in her kidneys being supported. However, I soon felt drawn to Sarah’s diaphragm. I placed one hand on the side of her ribcage, with the other hand under her back, supporting her kidney.
Suddenly Sarah reported a childhood memory had come up. “It’s something I hadn’t thought of in years, maybe decades,” Sarah said. “I was a kid, and I wasn’t supposed to be over at the neighbour’s because we’d been fighting. But my best friend/enemy and her brother had let me in to their basement and we were playing. Then their mom called them upstairs.”
Sarah said the kids had told her to hide on the shelf of a linen cupboard, with the door closed. She thought she might have been locked in, but wasn’t sure. She added that “there was something moving in there, but I didn’t know what it was till I was let out.”
She remembered a “feeling of terror, that I might go crazy and couldn’t get out”, but despite that she couldn’t make any noise, as she wasn’t supposed to be there and was afraid of getting in trouble.
Sarah seemed somewhat tense. I encouraged her to relax her jaw and to try breathing out of her mouth.
A few tears came up, but it seemed like something else was waiting to happen. Sarah told me the “something moving” in the cupboard had turned out to be a cat. I responded, “Imagine the cat’s surprise having you in that space!”
Sarah recalls that point in our session as being significant. She laughed in response, but the laughter quickly turned into heartfelt sobs.
“It was painful remembering being in that dark closet, scared to make a sound, scared of being discovered and shamed, fearing their parents’ anger and disapproval, or the kids getting in trouble and being mad at me… fear of the dark, closed place, of going crazy, being scared of what turned out to be a cat that was in there with me…”
“But at the same time, I was aware of June’s warm hands under my body, holding and supporting me, caring about me. It was as if her hands were with me during that time in the closet. That warmth and real human contact made a huge difference. There was a sense of safety even though I was re-experiencing these painful feelings.”
Sarah also shared that in the past, sometimes she had felt stuck when she went for counselling therapy, unable to release the emotion, so she was happy to experience what felt like a cleansing release. She also mentioned she has been claustrophobic for much of her life. She is not sure how much of a role this event might have played.
Near the end I encouraged Sarah to imagine how she might have wanted that event to end differently, if she could have the ending of her choice. She asked if it was okay to be loud, and when I answered yes, she yelled “HEY! LET ME OUT OF HERE!”
Later she said “It felt like choosing to yell was a choice to really be on my own side, rather than protecting the other kids at the cost of being so scared, and feeling like I was going to go crazy by myself in that closet.
“I really put everything into that call for help, and it felt good. I felt empowered. Normally, after any kind of a session where I’d had big emotions like that, I would feel very vulnerable and just want to go home and be alone. But I felt absolutely fine being out and around people after that appointment. And I think it was because of the ‘new ending’ that June helped me make. I think it really worked. I felt good, strong, and happy.”
The client’s name has been changed for privacy. The client helped write this, as we both wanted to share her story so others might benefit from her positive experience with Somatic Experiencing and Somatic Touch.
It’s not uncommon for clients to describe Somatic Experiencing or Somatic Touch sessions as “profound”. A deep knowing from within becomes available to them.
I feel very privileged to have the honour of participating and witnessing this kind of healing when it happens.